Last night I lost all hope. I went to work at12pm. I was fine most of the day, I missed him all day, but in the evening i started to miss him so much more. I felt like I couldn't breathe, not until i saw him again. I text him, asked if i could see him. He replied with a cold "No". right away i started tearing but i wiped my tears and tried hard to hide it. My mom noticed and asked me what had happened i said "nothing" and walked to the restroom so she wouldn't see me. when i came out she asked "It was a text huh? i saw you looking at your phone" i said no. she grabbed my phone from the drawer under the cash register and started going through the messages. I had already erased them, so she didn't find anything. Then she said "If you feel that bad why don't you text him? Send him a nice message it's not going to hurt him". If only she knew. I felt so bad but decided to give it another try. What's the worst that can happen, he'll reject me again? not like i can hurt much more. I made up my mind not to get my hopes up, and I sent him another text, "coffee and a cigarette? 30mins only." He replied "you closed?" I didn't expect that, so it made me a smile...i will see him! i asked him to pick me up at 8:30, he did, The first thing he said when i got in his truck was "you have to stop this". We went to Winchell's. We spent many nights at that coffee shop when we first met, 4 1/2 years ago. So many great memories. My first GREAT KISS, the kind that make you feel like you're floating. I also asked him to be my boyfriend there. We went inside, got our coffees, got out. We sat in the back of his truck. again he said "you have to stop this".............

I can't keep writing...what am i doing. just hurting myself. Point is i have to let him go. He doesn't want this at all anymore. He doesn't love me and i can't change his mind. no matter what i do. no matter what i say. His feelings changed. It's all over. It hurts!!!  :'(